Meditation on subway tiles

Sit down and grab journal while kids are in pool. 5 min later, middle child bursts out of the pool and hands you the green torpedo to throw to him in said pool.  Drips water all over said journal, Kindle and chance at some reflection.

Second chance to journal: open page to last entry and see it was 5/29/15.  Entry previous 4/3/14 then 1/4/14.

Suffice to say going from 2 kids to 3 kids severely decreased my journalling exercises, saving the planet at least a few trees since I used to love to write down – like with pen and ink and even pencil sometimes – what was going on.

Today I really thought I had a chance.  I really did.

Then tonight I was certain I had a chance.  Bedtime in the hotel here in Madison has been sweet – games after dinner, long chapter book reading time and devotions times 3 kids.  Then snuggle in due to the ridiculous AC and they are out like trout.

View from our hotel room.

View from our hotel room. We are here with Brian as he leads small group leaders who are caring for new staff joining IVCF.

Well first it was Elam crawling into my bed and asking for snuggles.  Then complaining he couldn’t sleep in my king sized bed.  Then complaining about how hot it was in here.  Then something about a toe hurting and I finally caved and went to find ice.

Then my stomach chose that moment to remind me that last night was my first really big meal in days.  I have had zero appetite since running the marathon and last night, the chicken and yummy salad had me taking 2 trips to the buffet.  Then the salad and pizza had me at hellO! (thankfully Jana has befriended me and found the olive oil in the kitchen for me!).

Too much salad.  Too much walking.

I raced back to the room, found a Ziplock for the ice and the toe and found the bathroom.  OY.

Meanwhile C and XS are on the pullout, arguing.  XS is upset that Elam got extra mom time and really REALLY wanted to know what we were talking about.

I almost wrecked the sliding doors in this hotel room (who puts sliders in a hotel room?) while racing to the bathroom the second time.  Then almost crashed the tank lid (that thing you lean back on when sometimes the stomach doesn’t feel so good?) while I was trying to be patient with my belly, entrails and my kids.

Meanwhile, as I hunched over looking at the nifty subway tiles (they have recently redone this hotel and I keep looking for ideas) I thought to myself:

I wish I had more to show for my life than putting 3 kids to bed tonight.  More than taking them to the Children’s Museum today (which was amazing today!)

We built this city... on rock and roll

We built this city… on rock and roll

More than a lack of patience for 3 kids who really are quite wonderful.

And then I thought if I can’t put 3 wonderful kids to bed without losing my bleeping temper than how can I expect to lead others around me in groups greater than 3?  (But for the love, why don’t my children go to sleep like normal elementary kids might after busy busy days of running from 7am-8pm???)

So, journalling and processing the day and the events that have filled the day seem to just roll into another week and another month and then suddenly you realize your journal still smells new.  And even though your husband offers you a new one you think why, the one I have will last me until they go to college.

So Moms, Dads, especially you with more than 3 kids, maybe you do it alone most days and shiver with excitement at the prospect of peace and quiet – here’s to you tonight.  Here’s to all those interrupted moments you attempt to reflect.  Here’s to those attempts at quiet time.  Here’s to the dreams of being self-aware and forgiving because you’ve done your business with the Lord.

We may wish we had more to show for our days of parenting, cleaning, telling them to get those hands out of their mouths and eat just 2 more bites of meat. But sometimes we just don’t. We don’t.

Last thought: I could have spent the last 10 minutes writing this down in the journal, oh yes I know I could have.

But I am such an extrovert that after all that happened tonight I simply couldn’t introvert the night.  I had to know at least one other person would read my night and laugh, emote, sympathize and nod.  So for you 1-2 people out there, thanks for not letting me keep this to myself.

Now, where is a new episode of Downton Abbey when you need it?

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