Fierce

Monday I was working out at the Y, sweating it and rocking a class. I was LOUDLY counting the jumping jacks and clapping and enjoying every minute of it.

Elam had been sick all weekend, Brian was leaving in 90 minutes for 4 days and I was going to get a week’s worth of exercise in one day… Or I was gonna try.

As my sweat expanded across my stomach I started to note that I.Looked.Fierce. My abs were clearly outlined and looked amazing. It might have been those 5lbs I lost the previous week die to my stomach virus? Or the Happy Planksgiving I did last month?

Well I was so impressed with myself that after the cool down, I looked down at my amazing 6-pack and was shocked to find a perfect stain of black from my weights. (We had held barbels for a decent amount of time.) Apparently the sweat and black rubber had made a perfect impression of fierceness…

I laughed out loud, told my friends what happened and we joked I’ll never wash that tank again!

Well, this week has proved to be one that reveals just how fierce I am.

Elam ended up with strep and a cough that is wicked. I slept 4 hrs Monday night. Calista escaped one afternoon and dinner at a friend’s house (Thanks Gardners!). But we have been quarantined every day this week so far. Brian and friends have received so many texts from me, including a few at 1:30am, it’s stupid… We are headed back to the clinic for the 3rd time this week this afternoon, since XS spiked a fever this morning.

When my kids are sick I like to out them on the table in a box... What do you do?

When my kids are sick I like to out them on the table in a box… What do you do?

'Tis the season for empty big boxes

‘Tis the season for empty big boxes

Calista has somehow managed to stay healthy! Alleluia.

Calista has somehow managed to stay healthy! Alleluia.

Trying to spend time with Calista, we banned the boys from the kitchen and made homemade Peppermint Patties. Wow, what a mess. But they are amazing. I have felt like I have been ignoring my eldest so it was nice to spend time with her for a change. And I didn’t have to blow her nose once!

What a mess! I would have taken a pic but my hands were too disgusting.

What a mess! I would have taken a pic but my hands were too disgusting.

I’ve got to try this recipe again and see if I can make them look prettier…

They taste ah-maxing. That's ah-mazing.

They taste ah-maxing. That’s ah-mazing.

Fierce mothering put to the test… 2 sick boys, one of whom sticks tissues up his nose just to save time. Husband away. Not great nights of sleep. Dreary winter skies. Raw knuckles from cleaning, laundry, wiping noses and washing hands. Hand gel is no better since now the cracks sting when then alcohol hits them…

I mostly have been pretty fierce, like in a good way. God’s grace is sufficient.

But other times the raw tired self shows through.

Calista had a meltdown the other night getting out of the bath and I calmly went to help her. She said, “mom normally you yell at me to just get my PJ’s on.” “Well,” I said, “the boys haven’t been well and I know I’ve been ignoring you. I guess I just have more compassion tonight.”

Then last night she called out from her room, some 10-15 minutes after she had left the bath and I asked her to get ready for bed, “mom, do you have any compassion left?”

“Why?” I asked.

“well, I’m lying on the floor not getting my PJ’s on and I was wondering if I was about to get into trouble.”

Classic reminder of how I am not always the right kind of fierce.

One more thought:
I watched Jimmy Fallon last night (other than because of my best texting friends I had not smiled much yesterday) and Carrie Underwood sang her “Something in the Water” which describes her experience with baptism.

Watch her video here if you’d like…

She is fierce. Her voice is amazing. Made me wish I could sing about Jesus that way so that others could hear me.

But I do have a voice. And how will I use it today? Even if I don’t have millions to hear me, these 3 little ones (and sometimes my mail carrier gets to hear me too: the other day the boys were fighting while I was shoveling the driveway and I hollered at them through the garage door and she showed up right after I was done yellowing. Whew.) will be listening.

My words can be so fierce: full of angst and impatience… Or full of compassion, energy and mothering-kinds of words. We can do more than we can ever hope or imagine because He can do it through us…

But to be honest, I’d rather be showing my fierce abs, running a marathon this week.

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