Life as an Asker

I just finished reading a Charles Spurgeon sermon on John 11: 14-15, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe.” I am studying John 11 in preparation for the “Jesus Track” at our winter conference in a few weeks.  The track probably will include seekers, so I’m wondering how that verse will go over with them!

Really, Jesus?  You were glad someone died?  A nice Jewish boy who took care of his sisters and You when you were in town?  I just have a hard time with that, but it’s right there, on the page.  Uck.

I am not sure how I think yet about God’s will – did He will Lazarus to do?  Did He allow it?  Is it the result of a fallen world?  John 11 doesn’t answer that, but it does say Jesus was “glad” – it means to rejoice.  The same word is used to describe the celebration in Luke 15 and the rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents (Mt. 18:13).

I don’t know what to do with that.  Just like I don’t know what to do with the suffering in the world sometimes.  When I read about the 19th man who kills his children, then his wife, then himself or when I study the widespread effect of child sex trafficking, I don’t know how to handle it all.  I believe that God is Sovereign, that He could end it if He so chose.  I know that in many places around the world, a difference is being made, but suffering still seems to run so rampant.  Does God rejoice over that?

It is interesting to note that Jesus weeps in the midst of His rejoicing.  It says 3-4 times that Jesus loved this family.  He weeps when He sees Mary and the others mourning Lazarus.  He isn’t visibly glad as He walks among these friends.  Is there a way He mourns with them while at the same time rejoices over the fact that Lazarus died?  That cooks my noodle (see translation below).

John 11 tells a story that ends with: Lazarus being raised from the dead (not just “mostly dead” – really dead.  Four days dead.  Pee-u.).  And many believed in Jesus.  Does that make the 4 days of mourning worth it?  Were Mary and Martha at peace with how it all went down?  I’d love to have been there later that night, after the crowds had gone home, and heard that conversation.

Perhaps our understanding will come when we are at the end of the Big Story – when Christ returns and all is restored in Him.  Maybe we’ll never really understand.  But as I spent time in John 11 this week, I was reminded that Jesus has compassion in our sufferings and He conquers all.

* Cooked my noodle: I don’t know who said this in my hearing recently, but I instantly took this and made it one of my favorite phrases.  It means the same as “that blew my mind!” or “You could have knocked me over with a feather!”

Two things I’ve learned in 2010: don’t give in to materialism and shop smarter.  After weeks of daily buying new things for our home I hit a wall: I didn’t want to shop anymore.  I fully admit, it was a new, weird feeling.  I have my own love affair with the “new” – new shoes, new smells good soap, new game to play or even a new gallon of milk has been known to give me that satisfied feeling that something new is about to be enjoyed.  Somewhere between that new shower curtain for the upstairs and the new rugs for the entryway, I lost my desire to swipe the Discover card.

I think it came in the midst of September.  I was getting involved in a new Bible study at church and with a mom’s group, MOPS.  Although these women looked good by 9:00 a.m., I felt less than put together.  It was also tempting to want my house to look put together.

But somehow I just didn’t give in and go shop for a new pair of pants, new curtains and rip up the carpet in my living room.

Ironically, we also have been finding ways to shop more wisely at the Asker home.  One reason: we have to live by a stricter budget now that we are in Duluth.  I have to think more about buying groceries, toiletries and miscellaneous paper products.  Another reason: we are learning about how to fight injustice in new ways.

Free 2 Work is an application that we have on our phones.  It helps us track down which companies are known to have a code of conduct, eliminating child labor involved in their product.  It is disheartening to read about major companies in our country that are getting away with child labor and exploitation overseas (and probably locally too).

One thing we are actually cutting out completely is non-fair trade cocoa.  There is too much to go into about this issue, but suffice to say, the cocoa industry is mostly corrupt.  We have done enough research to convince us!  And as our pastor has mentioned a few times in the last weeks, with knowledge comes responsibility.

We just returned from our National Staff Conference in St Louis.  Oh I could blog about that for a year… but one thing for sure was renewed for me: the vision that with Jesus, we really can change the world.

So watch out, executives in the cocoa industry, we in Duluth are watching!  And praying to see what we’ll do next…

to read:

http://www.equalexchange.coop/

http://www.divinechocolate.com/default.aspx

or an article:

http://www.crossing-borders-fair-trade.com/chocolate-slavery.html

So last night we had some friends over for dinner to mark Elam’s first birthday.  It was a great night, until bedtime.  It was past the kids’ bedtimes and a few of us had tantrums.  I was one of them.

After I calmed down, I was ready for sleep.  I just needed to get a drink.  On my way through the dark living room, I cracked my little toe on something and instantly felt like my foot was on fire.  After the rocking back and forth, holding my foot really tightly and saying “ouch!”  I made it to the bedroom and iced the foot.  I elevated it.  I finally looked at it closely and the toenail was bent in half, backwards.  Ouch.  It still hurts.

What cracked my toe?  The Little People stable that sits beneath our Christmas tree. We have a whole manger scene: shepherds, animals, an angel, Joseph and Jesus (we lost Mary in the move, so Sonya Lee is playing the part currently).  I love it because our kids play with it all year round.  You haven’t lived until you hear your 2 year old say, “Mom, I can’t find Jesus?  Oh, here He is!”

So as I felt the throbbing all day I was thinking, “why did I have to kick that dumb stable?”

I was walking in the darkness and the stable caught me.  It even made me cry.

Do you listen to the words of some of the Christmas music?  Joseph’s Lullaby. (which is incidentally one of my favs this season.) Mary Did You Know?  O Holy Night.  I sometimes don’t because I don’t want to take the time to wipe my eyes.

But sometimes I am caught by the music.  I rock Elam to sleep and I wonder what it was like for Joseph.  I am leading a Bible study tomorrow and hope we can imagine a bit of what Joseph went through. I think Mary gets props but Joseph generally gets forgotten.

I am finding as I get older, I need these moments of getting caught.  I need to meditate about some of the emotion of the Christmas story. Not just the “Joy to the World” emotions, but the weight of what Jesus faced by entering the world as a Man.

I am reading a book right now: 4 Views on the Atonement (side note: really? We don’t we all agree as Evangelicals why Jesus died?). Reading about Jesus’ death in the midst of Advent, what a way to experience Christmas. It’s kind of like kicking the manger. Doesn’t feel good, but it helps me go there, go deeper.

I let Brian read this and he said – it feels like it is unfinished – there isn’t an end. I agree. I guess it’s because I’m still not sure about how to completely grasp this “yea! It’s Jesus’ Birthday! Merry Christmas!” in the midst of thinking “this baby was born so that He would one day face the Cross.”