Life as an Asker

Today my temper won. And I was a bad loser, according to Calista.

We had had a fairly ok day, despite the fact we pushed through and skipped nap today. Brian had attempted to replace a door only to find we would have to rip out flooring to finish. Project scrapped.

The kids were sort of squirrelly and then blam: the blanket wars became too much for Calista. I think she felt neglected by the boys’ play and she lost.it.badly.

Her temper won today too.

After 40-45 minutes of being screamed at, I continued on my task: cooking a Chinese meal for Brian’s co-worker and family. of 6.

Somehow I kept my cool… or maybe a moderate temperature at least.

But then, I don’t know if it was walking into the spare room which is normally immaculate, only to find the bed unmade. Or the fact that I asked Brian to get all the seeds out of the dried red pepper and found them covered in seeds. Or when Calista started cracking eggs and cracked one on the counter, spilling into my box of stamping thank you notes craft box. Or maybe it was the 5-6 hours of sleep I’ve been getting for 5-6 weeks…

But I.LOST.IT. My throat still hurts from the yelling. And my wrists ache from the slamming drawers.

Suffice to say it was ugly.

About 45 minutes before our guests were to arrive, Brian asked if we should cancel. I said no way…

But I did text them to come a bit later.

When they walked in the door, I was calmer, only because I had banned everyone from the kitchen. And I banned their blankets…

I told the adults that only because they knew crazy (4 kids total, 2 adopted) were they welcome in our house. They laughed and took it all in stride. I told them about the slamming drawers, etc. They didn’t judge me.

Eventually we all were sitting down, enjoying a Kung Pao chicken, fried rice and Chinese broccoli meal. We compared notes on adopted kids. Our sons are about the same age and have very similar tempers and inabilities to deal with transition, large social functions and disappointment.

They did dishes. We ate a pie (finished it off Mom and Dad!). I had seconds on ice cream.

Then we kicked them out. They needed to go, but essentially we all agreed it was time to move to bedtime.

Calista and I eventually sat down and started her Bible reading and prayer time.

Luke 9: the disciples had just been let loose to do some Kingdom work and they were back. They told Jesus all about it and then He decided it was time to escape but apparently they couldn’t. The crowds kept up.

Eventually the disciples sound like they’ve had it. Maybe it was the last guy with leprosy who oozed too much. Or the screaming demon girl who bit James. Or the little girl who was so sick and sad Matthew thought he wouldn’t sleep for a month. Or maybe their feet had blisters from all that walking around and they just wanted to sit down!

So they wanted Jesus to send the people away. To take care of themselves for a change.

Jesus looked at them and said, you get to serve them in yet one more way: you’re going to feed them.

They of course have no idea how this will be accomplished since they only have a few loaves and fishes. There just isn’t enough!

Now, I knew I was hosting this dinner all day. I knew I had to feed these 11 tonight. But I had just had it around 5:00pm and yes, I had considered sending Brian over to their house with hot, fresh, piping pizza and soda. I just wanted to be done for the day. I had the food all ready to be served, but I just didn’t think I had enough of what it took to serve it.

So I did what the disciples were ordered to do: I organized. I figured out what to do next. I cleared the kitchen. I asked Brian to do a few things and had Calista help (she did 8 eggs in a row just perfectly plus made the sauce for the chicken all alone!).

Then the door bell rang, we had a great time and we had leftovers. We will enjoy those Tupperware leftovers now that our New Years Eve plans have changed due to illness (SUH-PRISE SUH-PRISE SUH-prise – Gomer Pyle).

But more than the goodie bags the disciples had after hosting their own dinner party, they learned that Jesus had much more power and miracles up His sleeve than they ever dreamed.

I am not just stuffed with good food tonight, but gained some strength as I got to sit down with other like-minded folks who are trying their best in the adoption journey. People who don’t tell you to just “be more like Jesus” and actually pile on the guilt and garbage.

Thank you Olsons for showing up so I feed you. And for the leftovers in the fridge and in my spirit.

Today I visited my gynecologist and she asked how our adoption journey was going. (Nothing says Merry Christmas like getting naked for a Pap smear).

She adopted many years ago and I was impressed she remembered to ask…or noticed her notes. I got to share pictures and say we’ve been to China and back since I saw you last!

Waiting. I sang a lot. Brian set up a camera and paid fees.

6 months ago I sat waiting in an upper room in Changsha, June 23, wondering if my dress was ok and how I’d react to this little boy I’d prayed for for year. I wondered how the big kids back home were doing. I wondered how long Brian would be in the other room doing paperwork and paying fees when…

In he came. I said something memorable like “oh my gosh. There you are.”

This makes Tobiah officially an Asker: a red palm print on a document.

The next day we had to bring him back to the place he had to say goodbye to his teachers and he shook his head no when we got off the elevator. Bless his heart. The silent tears ran down when we had to make him an official Asker.

He doesn’t eat with chopsticks yet. Local guides told me sometimes it takes until kids are 4-5 before they master them.

We learned how to eat together, he shared his watermelon with me and we played.

I’ll never forget how quickly he started to play with the big kids when we got home.

I’ll never forget how tired I was those first 4-5 days after coming home.

I’ll never forget how sad I got in the first few months, grieving our Asker 4.

I’ll never forget the relief I felt when he tried hamburgers, tacos, spaghetti and pretty much anything I put in front of him. We have trained him to drink (even request!) milk, but he still hates cheese:(

Now he gives hugs, talks non-stop in the car (I must say I miss the quiet rides with just the 2 of us!) and initiates compassionate acts like giving Elam the last grape or bringing Calista a tissue when she’s crying.

His language skills are above average so that the speech therapists we’ve seen don’t want to work with him. And last night, he said “kiss-mas” with such an articulate “s” at the end that we all celebrated until he said “[s]top!”

We are trying to navigate Christmas. The busy. The presents. The food (ugh). The other day I realized he had 2 less presents to open. WHAT?!?! So off to Target I headed today and thank God it was not the nightmare I had expected.

Sunday he even took part in singing at church (sorry no pics). He waved his scarf like a champ singing “glo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ria” with the best of them.

He is learning to like sledding and doesn’t hate getting his jacket on anymore.

6 months have changed everything around here. I do way more laundry by the way, that might be my least favorite. How the 2 boys fill that basket every 3 days would make a classic CBS mystery 2-hr special.

We are also amazed by how seamlessly this process has gone. We are continually grateful to his caregivers in China!

He likes it, I swear!

Birthdays: apart from Christmas, they bring so much pressure. Pressure for the right gift, right cake, right friends, right theme (although my girlfriend just informed me [7.5 years into the parenting GIG] that we aren’t supposed to allow our kids to pick a theme) and then, WHAM!

One kid has diarrhea that won’t quit and the birthday boy has a fever. Even worse, birthday boy has not asked a “why” question all afternoon nor has he jumped off the couch. Sure signs he’s sick.

So for the 2nd time in 5 years (that’s 40% of his birthdays folks) we have had to cancel Elam’s birthday party.

His birthdate is Pear Harbor Day, Dec. 7. It’s smack dab in between the sicky-est season: Thanksgiving and Christmas.

We tried to make the day fun regardless. The big kids stayed home all morning (while Dad drug XS to church – which he hated by the way. He wanted to stay home with the sick-o’s) and stomped the new rocket from said girlfriend who just tuned me into the “no-themed” party memo.

Calista was obviously feeling better already.

We tried to decorate with the SuperMan theme requested by Elam, but he rejected the idea of eating his cake. That cake stayed in the freezer for over a week but held up ok when we finally cracked into it. Then I “had” to make another one (we’re talking rich, decadent fair-trade cocoa brownies with fair-trade chocolate chips. If you’ve never had, then swoon as if you’ve eaten the best chocolate ever with no nasty aftertaste except the impulse to shove your face as deep into that brown pool of amazing…and suck it in baby.). I probably gained 10 pounds from 2 cakes in these past weeks!

Well suffice to say it was sort of a sad day but we made the best of it.

The week after has already been penned: lots of clinic visits and Amoxicillin and whining.

After 2 weeks of feeling crummy around, here this past weekend was going to be a re-do of fun.

First stop: Friday night at Bentleyville. It was a perfect, windless night and at 30 degrees it felt practically balmy for these 5 Askers. After a friends’ birthday party we drove downtown and started changing into snow pants and various layers in the back of the van.

That was when I realized I had forgotten to pack XS’s snow pants. Rats. Totally my fault.

Elam heard and suggested XS wear his.

He pulled up his long, wool socks and trooped around the lights like a rock star. We had a short wait time for Santa and miracle of miracles, did NOT have a meltdown on Santa’s lap!

He jumped up there like a champ!

And then the meltdown began… was it the cold or the sugar?!

Elam really did quite well but started to get cold on the way out.

What do you think: Christmas Card Material?!

There is something about being downtown, lights all aglow, music blaring into your ears and popcorn stuck in your teeth: it’s a Duluth Christmas Tradition!

It was hard to be frustrated with the kid: he did give up his warm stuff for his little brother!

Saturday we finally had the re-do party.

Brian unfortunately doesn’t have this documented, but he tucked his red shorts inside in such a way to make it look like he had a red diaper on… Why are superhero costumes so strange?!

Super Askers!

We had a low-key party complete with fruit I made the kids eat, the Cheetos Elam forced me to buy (why did I let him talk me into these odd things we call snack foods!?) and a moment when we asked the kids what they like about Elam:

“He plays with me.” “He shares his toys with me.” “He’s my brother.”

Incidentally, Brian and I shook things up a little from the super hero, adult dancing lounge wear and cleaned up real good for the Rotary Party a few hours later.

I said we were like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: superheros during the day, fancy pants at night.

And at church today, at least 10 people called me Wonder Woman. Felt good.

Well, as we drove to do errands for this party almost a month ago now, XS was asking the typical “me too?!” about the birthday stuff. Elam said “Nope. It’s all about me this time, right Momma?”

We did try to make it all about him, but after 2 weeks of birthday talk, even Elam was over it.

XS had some typical responses to not getting presents or wanting to grab every toy, Lego piece and even blow out candles after Elam was finished. But overall he did quite well. He especially liked having cake and ice cream 4-5 times in those 2 weeks.

Now, bring on Christmas!

When we get home from a long weekend the first thing I do is organize: put laundry downstairs, replace the toys and books used in the car and empty the trash in the van. I’ve even been known to vacuum out the van within minutes of returning home from a long car trip.

When guests leave, I admit I tidy up almost immediately.

It’s the way I rest, I guess: maintaining order.

So when 15 days pass and nothing has gone according to plans, expectations or any semblance of organization, it feels good to feel good again.

We hit church this morning, on time, for our boys’ dedication. When we moved to Duluth Elam was 9 months old and then one thing led to another and we never did it. Waiting until we could do both boys at once was neat. They did great!

After church we were able to eat birthday cake for Elam. Only 7 days late!

SUPERMAN!

We updated our weekly memory verse from 3-4 weeks ago! And updated the school calendar.

The boys began to play normally again today. Fighting ever so often…enough for me to make energy bites! After sharing some with friends who just came home from adopting son #2 look at how nicely these fit… but how will I ever eat one and mess up that beautiful arrangement?

PB and carob chip energy bites: my secret stash I rarely share with any of the other 4 Askers!

Doing stickers together of SHARKS.

And epic stair jumping. We use an old crib mattress instead of investing in those nice trampolines:)

sort of like a strange dwarf with tissue-beard?

We also attempted to go play outside. XS wasn’t into it but I made him get dressed to join the other 3. We walked down the hill to the woods in the back yard. I turned to watch Elam cough with such force that he vomited up that awesome chocolate brownie cake on his red jacket and onto the melting snow.

My first reaction was, well, I didn’t want to play outside in this messy, melting snow anyhow. The second was, thankfully that choco-vomit-spew was thrown upon this messy, melting snow instead of our “used to be white” carpet in the house.

My final reaction was, well, why not do some more laundry?

I vacuumed tonight while Brian went to small group with Calista, cleaned up the kitchen and wasn’t interrupted by a snotty tissue bubble on the floor or on a face. We put away the boys laundry, jumped in slow-mo.

The sermon was about JOY today and I have to have a true confession moment: haven’t had much of that in the midst of our sick weeks. But today, while the boys played chase with me while I ran that Oreck, I was filled with joy.

It feels good to feel good.

Now, please say a prayer that I don’t wake up with strep throat tomorrow or some Mack Truck is hiding around the corner. I just want to enjoy this for a few days:)