Life as an Asker

Well minutes after I posted “the new normal” I thought to myself, maybe I spoke too soon.

It had been a few days filled with many, hard hours parenting kids who were fighting, Brian having to work a lot of nights, then getting sick etc.  We lived through the last 10 days.  And now I’m tired.

What has helped is when I hear you guys are reading this.  Or when you ask how we are doing.  We have doctors checking XS’s ears, a speech therapist giving us pointers and encouragement and so many friends (some have adopted, some haven’t) who have asked how we are and are praying for us.  Run-on sentence complete.

We had a lot of firsts still in the midst of the pterodactyl’s return:

Brian took the kids “camping” out in the backyard.  I wisely slept inside.  After 20 minutes of peace and quiet, I heard little footsteps coming up the deck.  Then a face in my window.  And a voice.  Then someone coming in to give me a hug.  Peace and quiet for another 10 minutes.  And a repeat of the same.  Eventually they all fell asleep.  Brian is the best dad ever.  Sometime I’ll post all about him, his sacrifices for us and how he lays down his life for all of us every. single. day.  The next morning he made blueberry pancakes on a one-burner, Coleman stove, in the backyard.

stay-cation

aaaand this is why I slept INside

the face says it all

We took the kids to an art event downtown and they all begged (ok 2 out of 3) for face painting.  XS let the artist put him into the chair but when she started to paint the face, it was a clear “no way lady.”  Eventually we got the shark on the leg, the snake on a face and the flowers on the last face.

The face in the middle up there is starting to become more common.  It seems between knees bloodied (at least 2 out of 3 days he gets a band-aid on a knee), toys not shared, waffle dropped on the table or some other (to us) small irritation, this kid is struggling.  He just cannot handle frustration: either from the snot this cold keeps producing in his nose, the lack of sleep from his coughing at night or from the major trauma he has endured leaving home, family and country.  Maybe we should have called him Abraham.

The good news is there are moments when the big kids act more compassionately than we feel, when he more clearly says “motorcycle” or “Lightning McQueen,” says hello to our neighbors or just those blessed moments of peace when I can blog.  Then Brian and I look at one another and say, “we can do this thing.”

you haven’t lived until you hear this kid say “lightning mcqueen”!

This past week has had a few new surprises and we are starting to settle into our new normal.

Calista has had a loose tooth for 2 weeks.  Last week she asked “how are you and daddy going to handle the tooth fairy?”  Well the tooth fairy brought a gift from China:)

Her first one popped right out!

We started soccer for the big kids.  After the epic battle of 1.5 hours of Calista’s first game, game #2 was conquered in under 40 minutes.  I even got to sit down to watch part of if while the boys snacked.  However, those snacks must have gone right through XS because I spent the second half finding creative places to let him do his business in the school yard:( Sorry, no pics of that.  Let’s just say their garden has some nice fertilizer.

Thank you kindergarten!

With some extra activites in our schedule, napping is key.  One day I was struggling to get XS to nap and came out to hear Elam begging for a book.  Calista swooped in and saved the day!

We also took XS to the Y for the first time last week.  He was in the child care for about an hour.  There was a slight altercation with another kid over her snack but overall he did great!

Unfortunately, we also are experiencing the first cold of the summer, for Brian and XS.  We are living in the – “oh no he just sneezed!” Kleenex world.  Snotty and urgent.

We were able to visit my family’s cabin over the weekend, arriving Friday before the crowd. The kids taught him all about the kayaks, swimming raft and the sand pile.

Thank goodness these kids don’t need sunscreen!

We also took our first hike back in Hartley, the nature preserve directly behind our house.  Two minutes away, XS took a huge digger and scraped his eye.  But we marched on and made it up Rock Nob.  Trying to get a good pic with 5 of us is impossible, so here is a shadow selfie, with 4 of us on the move.

Lastly, the boys seem to be becoming “the Boys.”  Calista will ask, “where are the boys?”  Or we will say, “the boys are tired.”  Before we had Elam, Brian used to always say, “Girls may dream of their wedding day, but boys dream of having their own boy someday.”

Well, honey, now you’ve got double your dreams coming true.  One night I stepped into the boys’ room, wondering what was making all 3 of them giggle so hard.  This is what I found:

Under – where?!

Life is never quiet around here, but we are finding our new normal.

GNO: Girls Night Out

It was a typical Saturday afternoon for the Asker 5.  Brian was whittling away a chunk of concrete while the kids biked around – please don’t tell Social Services.  Note: XS poked his little fingers in his ears every time Brian started the saw.  Then he’d yell “BA BA” over and over again until Brian was done cutting.

Try to zoom in and you can see XS trying to protect his hearing.

Calista and I had decided we needed some “Girl Time” so we dressed up and headed out for a night of just us.

Earlier in the month, we had attended a church function where the issue of women in leadership was discussed.  Calista heard Brian and me debriefing it and asked a lot of questions, including why she had never seen a woman in the pulpit.

The Vineyard down the street has females who preach and I found out Saturday night one of them was on.  Well ye-haw!  Sounds like fun, don’ it?

I did bring her to McDonald’s first, and that Ty Beanie Baby probably saved the service for Calista.  I’m not sure she was much impressed, no fault of the worship team or preacher.  It was an interesting discussion about God’s care for creation.  Therefore, we are called to be “fellow gardeners,” enjoying what He has made as a reflection of Who He is.  There was a call to enjoy creation this week and ask what about God we saw in the beauty.

Upon leaving church that night, there was a broken rainbow over Lake Superior.  Calista couldn’t quite catch a good look from the back seat, so we ended up chasing the rainbow all the way up to Hawk’s Ridge.

We ran out of the van, scrambled up a platform they use in watching the birds migrate and caught a great panoramic view of Duluth, the Lake and the rainbow.

I am just now realizing how horrible my iPhone pics translate to blogging… must fix that problem

Then she noticed a path that headed back into the woods.  “Can we explore momma?”  Why not, in church clothes and shoes, we flip flopped and sandal-ed our way back on the Superior Hiking Trail.

We found some blueberries plus a mystery, tasty berry.  Thanks to posting a pic on FB and my knowledgeable friends, I discovered these are “juneberries.”  We may have to hike back for more!

at the game

We have been trying to get the big kids out for 1-1 time with parents this week.  It seems to be a good idea… until it is time to leave!  Xuan Song gets the silent tears and clings to the parent sticking around.  The other sibling not going also cries.  There is a horrid separation process, the parent left behind scrambles to find a diversion and then eventually peace returns.  It is agonizing.  But we learn as part of this “outnumbered club” someone is always upset.  We are just trying to keep the majority happy, the minority alive and love on all those present or otherwise.

XS continues to love to take pics on our cell phones. Here is his perspective while Elam musters up courage to try 2 wheels.

this is the best we could do. remember: we are outnumbered.

the boyz

I am strong.

go momma go!

While we were in China, we found playgrounds everywhere.  They were filled with various, odd-looking equipment.  The kids on the trip loved to jump on and play.  After a few days, we noticed kids were not using the equipment as much as older folks were.  Eventually our guides informed us that they were for the elderly to stay in shape!  And man were they.  I saw men at least twice my age doing monkey bars and pull ups.  Women also danced and did tai chi.  It inspired me.  Now when the kids and I play at the playgrounds, I try to get a work out too.

Our driveway looks like 3 kids live here. Plus a mom who likes to pretend she can draw.

Daily life is becoming easier.  The kids love to go to the zoo, aquarium and playgrounds.  We stick home a lot less than I imagined, now that we have learned Xuan Song can skip naps and just go to bed early (yay for longer beach days!).

“Bucket head trio” – for those of you who might remember Elam LOVED to put buckets on his head when he was crawling.

You can almost see the bucket

The boys have settled more into friendship and find all sorts of funny things to do.

Today is a normal, grey day.  We are finding ways to imagine ourselves as trains and sick patients while whipping up some banana pudding and not let loose a pterodactyl scream every 5 minutes.  It’s more like a wild cat or a loud NO!  “No” never sounded so good:)  It’s a VAST improvement I’m sure even the neighbors appreciate.

You might think Elam was playing elsewhere. You’d be wrong. He is hunched down in the “animal car” at the back of the train.

Things XS has learned to say:

“ba ba working” (points downstairs where Brian’s office is)

“uh oh”

“help”

house”

“zoo, peacock, owl, kangaroo and eagle” thank you, Lake Superior Zoo

He has also learned to grab our hands and take us to show what he wants.  All this equals less pterodactyl.  Thank You Jesus.

Odd treat: smells like tomato paste but in the shape of neat underwater shapes though.

XS has had his share of grieving this past 3 weeks.  He left an amazing foster care and school setting, his “ba-ba policeman,” hot humid weather and delicious food.  This grief comes out in small ways or loud, pterodactyl ways.  It happens when he gets bumped on the trampoline, when we take something away or when it’s time to nap and he’s been having fun with his “jie jie” and “ge ge” (big sister/brother).  It oozes out his amazing eyes in silent tears or in great big screams when he is learning to take his turn with the t-ball.

Out with the old family; in with the Asker 5!

I am grieving too, I realized yesterday.  I was crying and just couldn’t figure out why.  Although the morning was completely out of the norm (XS and B slept in until after 8, Elam was up at 6 so we 2 played games alone) it was peaceful enough.  But then Brian left for work and I was left with the kids for the day.

Suddenly, as I realized I couldn’t do what I’d normally do (Y workout, lunch at a playground, play all afternoon or do errands) it hit me: I am grieving the loss of our family of 4.  The ease of two kids who sleep all night and are dry in the morning.  Two kids who fight with words and not screams (mostly).  Two kids, two hands in the parking lot.  Two kids who can buckle themselves and more importantly, UNbuckle.  Time with my husband before 10:00, before I fall asleep mid-sentence.  Just the old, comfortable lifestyle we had going.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all tears in the transition!

Calista learned for real how to ride her bike this week AND she has her first loose tooth.

She’s doing it for real this time!

I can finally get a “selfie” with my new boy.  Is it still a selfie when one other person is in the shot?  And the boys are finally starting to act like brothers, fists and body bumps and all.  Yesterday they were playing superheros and we were all 4 laughing our heads off!

First selfie

It’s not all tears but I’m still working on considering all these trials “pure joy.”

THE BOYZ!

We officially joined the outnumbered club about 10 days ago.  And we have lived to blog about it.

The best thing so far is how well the kids get along.  The little brother wants to mirror the big brother in almost everything!  They play cars, trains and bike together like they have known each other forever.

this is from the first night home:

Calista loves to teach him words and we are using some board books from long ago to teach him words.  He has picked up essential terms like “yeah” and “uh-oh” and “wow.”

Last week we tried a few outings.  He loved the zoo and we went on the tiny train that takes a quick trip around the zoo.  Elam performed a classic number you really must check out:

The worst thing so far (other than jet lag [which left us a week ago thank You Jesus] and not having enough time in the day to finish anything or have a good workout at the Y or…) is what we like to call the “pterodactyl” scream.  If you approach Xuan Song and you are a stranger, or try to take a goldfish cracker or touch his visor, he might unleash 3 variations.  There is the baby pterodactyl yelp.  Just enough to tell you he doesn’t like what’s up.  Then the medium range screech that kind of hurts your ears but doesn’t make the paint peel.  This occurs when the big brother tries to help him get his shoes off or sits too close at the table.  Then there is the full on, do NOT mess with me, I’m ticked off and if you knew Chinese I’d unleash a flurry of curses you would listen to, pterodactyl scream.  It rushes through our home into the farthest corner.  I have even heard it when he is outside and I am in the basement, in the laundry room.  It makes me want to run away.

Relaxing at the ENT’s office

To be honest Elam is taking the brunt of this whole deal.  He gets himself in the way of the full on pterodactyl quite often, intentionally unfortunately.  Clothes, shoes and toys he has just grown out of now are possessed by said pterodactyl.  The pterodactyl is not always grateful either.

But overall we are very blessed.  People may say we are blessing Xuan Song, but mostly, we just feel like we have received an amazing gift and can’t wait until he adjusts so we can share him with everyone.

Last weekend we had a doctor’s appointment in Minneapolis so squeezed in a visit to the new Asker baby Addison (born July 4) and the rest of Brian’s immediate family.  We stayed a hotel with a water park and you should have seen our new son love the slides!  It was so restful for all 5 of us after a long first week together.

Asker cousins have suddenly doubled in number!

oh and people keep asking about his language development and name:

language: he is doing fairly well understanding what we mean.

name: we don’t use Tobiah much yet.  Xuan Song is so significant to us because of the policeman sharing his name, the fact that it is one of the few things he “owns” and it reflects his awesome Chinese heritage.