Painting a deck is like adoption…

deckIt all started with a power washer, a bucket of “California Rustic” and a dream… A dream of a shiny, new deck.  Free of nail marks from the last owner’s German Shepherd and our snow shovel.

Last week Brian put over a dozen hours into stripping stain off our deck.  I have a history with C.P.F. (Chronic Project Fatigue, see blog from 2011) so we have avoided this project for 3 years.  After Brian’s hard work, I figured today was my turn to get my hands dirty.

Not so fast Wonder Woman.  First we must remove the “schlep” left over from said power washing and sanding.  I used a wisk broom, small broom, big broom and a putty knife.  2 hours later, I had removed most of the gunk, plus I finally removed 5 plant hangers (the previous owner loved those things…).

It was a beautiful day for painting – breezy and sunny.  My coats of paint dried super fast!  And my mind wandered to this parallel: painting and adoption.

1.  Prep well.

To paint, one wants to jump right to, well, painting!  But we all know a good paint job is best when it’s been prepped well.  I have lost track of the steps we have taken to get the deck painted and it’s only been a week or so.

After 18 months plus of talking, planning, saving $, talking, reading, praying, reading and filling out paperwork, I have lost track of all of the steps.  And we are still waiting on paperwork, for the record.

2.  Gotta wait for the rain to stop.

Sometimes we are reminded we are not in control.   But no matter what we think, painting and rain do not mix.

Our doctor’s don’t have a notary at their office so we have to wait until he remembers to go to his bank on his own lunch hour.  Sigh.  So we wait.

3.  Little to show for lots of work.

I spent 2 hours painting one bench in the corner of our deck.  Part of what I painted today you cannot even see unless you are flat on your back looking underneath the bench or inside a spindle.  But I can tell you it was hard work!

How many times do I hear, “you must be tired of talking about this but, how is the adoption coming?”  For the record, I never get tired of talking about it.  Do you ever get tired of talking about your kids?  Your dreams of kids?  I don’t!  But when there is “little to show” for all the hard work you really are doing, it can be discouraging.

4. Mistakes.

This summer we have realized how much small print we have missed.   And that’s just the beginning!  We haven’t even attempted parenting him/her yet!

I won’t throw Brian completely under the bus here but… We made a big mistake along the way while sanding.  I had shut almost all the windows.  Brian thought they were all shut but one bedroom window was actually open: wide open facing the deck.  Since the sander sucked up most of the dust, Brian wasn’t concerned.  However, the sander wasn’t sucking when he pulled out the leaf blower to get rid of the excess dust.  Ooops.

Brian did a great job cleaning up our room, just for the record.  Lots of laundry and cleaning later, all is well and clean.

5.  Mission Complete?

I hope our deck will get done soon, but I know I will never get it done completely.  There will be another spindle to touch up or edge I missed.

When can we consider the adoption process complete?  I’ve heard it said you’re never done parenting, even when your kids are older.  Let’s hope we’ve done enough prep work to handle that lifelong project.

 

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A Slice of Injustice

Big sigh, then “adopting … takes … FOREVER!”  Calista is known to say this weekly, if not daily.

2 weeks ago, Brian and I sat down with a pile of papers, a glue stick and many documents from Mark Ritchie (our MN Secretary of State.)  I even “posted” on Facebook that we were moments away from shipping off our Dossier.

Photo: Glue sticks, mail from Mark Ritchie and photocopies plus another trip to the notary at Wells Fargo: signs of international adoption dossier prepared to go in the mail.

Bigger sigh.  Never mind.

We started reading the fine print and “6 months” and “expiration” kept jumping off the check list.  Brian and I finally surmised that many of our documents had “expired.”  Our birth certificates, proof of employment and 4 other items needed to be redone and re-requested.

Without throwing the Secretary of State office or our adoption agency under the bus, suffice to say that we are learning the hard way about documents and certification in Chinese adoption papers.*

Brian and I were so upset.  I was trembling.  Crying.  Brian was so angry he stopped talking to anyone.  He was also packing to leave for 19 days and could barely remember to pack his razor.  It was ugly.

We had a babysitter due to a feverish Elam and while she thankfully (YAY Kaelie!) invested in our kids, we fell apart, made phone calls and piled up our 4 copies of dozens of papers for the recycle bin.

After a few deep breaths, a few days later and a many phone calls with our agency, Brian and I got a little Ratatouille “perspective.”

Imagine what orphans go through every day.  What the birth parents have suffered.  Imagine what heart ache and injustice they face.  This miniscule “first-world problem” called paperwork is not hard.  It does not give my children nightmares (may give us some!).  It does not rob us of our dignity.

Paperwork is a small thing.  Jesus told us that “The one who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and the one who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.”

I am trusting we can be faithful with these small pieces of paper and be faithful with the large job of raising this child at the end of this sea of papers.  And hey, who doesn’t need some extra copies of their birth certificates and marriage license lying around the house?

* Our agency is crediting our account to help pay for the cost of redoing paperwork.

 

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Too busy to care

Brian has been away for 2 full weeks.  (Work and starting his masters at Wheaton Grad School!)  I could blog about how amazing single parents are and how without Jesus and/or wine by noon, I don’t know how they do it.  Instead I’ll write about a conviction I’ve had as I cope with “single parenting.”

Last week I was trying to figure out how to pay attention to my over-tired kids, eat dinner, get my errands done and mow the lawn.  I had thought about locking them into a movie in the house and mowing super fast outside.  Instead, they started knocking each other around and fighting.  So they “got” to be outside with me.

As I finished up in the backyard without bloodshed (mine or kids’) I was struck by this thought: sometimes I’m so busy taking care of everyone I don’t give my kids what they need.

Take any moment in the van from the past 2 weeks, (I’m sure you have lived this),

Elam is looking at a book, making a face or twisting his fingers into a really neat shape and he says, “Mom, look at this!”  If I ever go deaf physically, this phrase will echo in my mine.  I maybe have heard this phrase more than any other in my short life…Except maybe this phrase, “Elam I cannot look right now, I’m driving the van.”

Now, of course I cannot stop the van every time he says this, but he obviously needs, wants someone to pay attention to him.  Instead, I often am too busy taking care of him by cooking, cleaning, doing laundry or whatever to look good.

I’ve talked with 2 moms in the last 12 hours who work, Mom, Wife and try to take care of themselves.  Therefore, they have no time for housework and “keeping up with things.”

How do we tackle all of the jobs on our plate?  Plus take care of what our kids are craving: ATTENTION.

What if we?

1. Put the phone down.  I don’t have to blog about this.  Too many others have.  If I have a cramp in my thumb/fingers after a day of checking out stuff on your phone, that might be indicative that I have spent too much time on it!

2.  Let the bathroom get gross. Let the dust pile up.  Leave the dishes until morning.  Read that extra chapter.  Snuggle with our spouse.  Paint our toenails with your extra time or paint a wall.  Go to bed early.

Take a bite out of life!

Take a bite out of life!

3.  Ate pancakes.  Grilled cheese.  PB and J for dinner.  Chill out about the kids getting all food groups.  Or go out for a huge burger at Grandma’s.

4.  Trusted that God is truly the Creator.  Sabbath is meant for us to stop creating in order to remind us that we don’t really make anything.  Only God starts and finishes anything.  We just enjoy it.

I cannot ever finish it all by bedtime.  Even if I tried… Even if I wanted to try and tie this blog up by bedtime, I couldn’t.  So instead I’ll simply say go for it: stop and smell the garbage.  Then head outside and push your kids on the swing and waste some time.

 

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Chase

Chase is a new theme around here.  First we have Chase Gomez staying in our basement.  The kids love him.  He biked home today and immediately, Elam says, “Chase, do you want to see me ride my bike just like you?”  This meant he stood up on his pedals just like the big kids.

Chase is also the name of a new Bible study I started today.**  It asks some very uncomfortable questions in the introduction.  (So much for my plugging this study… not for the faint of heart.)  It asks what our minds focus on, what excites us and what we think we are truly chasing – godly or otherwise.

I’ll probably focus on some negative later this summer but tonight I did think I am truly chasing new things.  Take today for instance: I tried to make homemade strawberry lemonade popsicles.  Real lemons.  No zester tool in the house but my fingernails smelled great afterwards.  Loads of sugar (don’t tell our guests coming for dinner tomorrow).  The juice was ok.  Elam didn’t like it.

Elam taking a risk: slack liningI also tried to make yogurt.  I am obsessed lately with plain Greek yogurt: Fage from Sam’s Club.  OBSESSED.  With my homemade granola, fresh strawberries and dried blueberries.  I even packed blueberries and granola 4000+ miles to and from FL for said obsession (We shall deal with my food and diet obsessions later, thank you very much).  Craving some now actually…9:00pm…

The yogurt is in my crock pot, hopefully thickening nicely, waiting to be drained in the morning.  If it fails, there goes some cash and a gallon of milk.  No risk, no reward.

(I’d insert a photo here but it would entail a pile of towels wrapped around a crock pot.  Unfun pic.)

The biggest risk I’m taking this summer is to take a leave of absence from IV.  It means leaving an identity as a teacher, trainer and valued leader.  It means leaving friends and opportunities for my career to advance.  It means ignoring the FB posts about previewing IVPress manuscripts, fall conference teaching gigs and … I need to stop thinking of what all I am leaving behind.

It also means I get to be a part of a summer Bible study without any other commitments.  It means I can go to the Y with my kids, then the playground and explore hills and new playgrounds with the kids.  Wearing a skirt while gardening (nope, no picture of this either – sad face).  Having a block party.  It means sunscreen in the van, always having enough water for said adventures and definitely apples.

So what are you chasing today?  I think I’m going to check on my yogurt…

 

**see jennie allen “chase”

**Lakeview Covenant Church will host this study on Wednesdays starting June 26: free child care and coffee!

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Finding the silver lining…

I learned a few lessons this morning:

1. Baby wipes from Target do not get orange crayon off the inside of my dryer.

2.  Norwex’s equivalent of the Magic Eraser didn’t work either.

3.  Comet and some good elbow grease did the trick!

4. Cleaning my dryer is a total body workout!  I put on “I got the moves like Jagger” and I was taking care of business (anyone old enough to get that joke…?)  Arms, thighs, back, you name it.

5. When my head is in the dryer and music playing on my phone, I cannot hear the children.

5.  God can truly redeem any situation: I got exercise, some peace and quiet and my dryer is clean as a whistle.

The other day I wore a pink tutu.  It started when I had to, for the third time that day, clean the toilet.  I was dressed in all black and it could have easily gone the other way.  Choice: witch or Toilet Fairy.  I opted for Toilet Fairy.  I made Calista giggle and I kept my temper when later that day, I had to clean it again (too much granola and cantaloupe around here!).

Picture by Calista Asker.

Have you had your head in the toilet or the dryer lately?  Look for the redemption my friend!

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My Job

Entering the Missions Conference at my church tonight I was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy.  Brian was doing most of the “work” and I was at home, giving Elam a nap (and napping myself – but don’t let that get out) and making copies.  I got the kids to church in time to eat 4 pounds of Chinese food and meet a few of the missionaries.  You know, the “real” missionaries.

Sometimes I just don’t know where to start at things like this – even at my own church, which I LOVE.  There are amazing people moving thousands of miles to reach out to Native tribes in AK, men who travel frequently to countries I cannot pronounce and are able to say “Koran” with an appropriate accent.  There are even other folks there, stateside, that seem to be more successful or even just have a more “important” job than I do.

Who wouldn't want to give this kid a nap?  He's ADORABLE!

Who wouldn’t want to give this kid a nap? He’s ADORABLE!

I gave Elam a nap and make some copies.  Oh and I let Brian know our table display looked ok.

Then a 1000 other things occurred that I don’t need to type up.  It just left me feeling so… out of it.  Maybe it was the four pounds eaten in 3 trips to the buffet table… The Chinese food, which by the way is served to us by the Chinese Christian Fellowship at our church.  It’s led by a UMD professor who laughed when I put “Pastor” in front of his first name.  Having these brothers and sisters serve us a great meal and worship with us on Friday of the missions conference is my favorite part of our yearly event.) I just felt weird.

Then I walked upstairs.  Two of the pastors of our church joked around with me and suddenly, I had my place.  Someone noticed me.  Someone asked me how I was doing.  They asked about the kids and the challenge of working while the kids were running around.  Someone listened to me.

Then the message included this thought – sometimes we look to Jesus and our quiet time (devotional time – whatever you might call it) as an electrical recharge.  “Jesus just gimme something good so I can go about my day.  A nugget so I can hit my meetings, neighborhood and ministry with an extra sense of Truth.”  The speaker challenged to see our time with Jesus not just as a means to get our job done, but as our job.  Our job is to connect with Jesus.

Brother Andrew had some amazing insight in “practicing the presence of God” while he washed pots, cooked and cleaned for his brothers.  I need to get there somehow.

Maybe it was my pastors and friends who cared for me tonight and gave me a sense of significance.  Or maybe it was Jesus, meeting me just where I needed it.

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The Department of Homeland Security

Elam’s hand-me-down bike helmet broken into two pieces yesterday.  The upper plastic covering just popped right off.  You should have seen his face!   It was funny and sad all at once.

I could blog and blog about how “safe” our culture is and how I rage against that machine.  I’ve been known to allow biking on the street without helmets (gasp), put my 5 year old in a seat belt while the extra kid we are watching for the day takes the car seat (double gasp) and most often and ridiculous is how often my kids play alone in the front yard on the driveway (hopefully the neighborhood creepies aren’t reading this…)  And I’ve been known to let them dress unwisely in the cold weather…

We are still waiting for our Asker in China details.  Once s/he arrives, I’m sure the above habits will change – some for the good of the new kid who needs Mom around and also for the social workers who might drop by unannounced!

The funny thing is that we are waiting to hear from the Department of Homeland Security.  That is where the last checks have gone – a second one only after we received a notice that we had neglected another $170 check for … rats, I can’t remember.  It doesn’t matter.  We sent them their check a few weeks back and now, wait some more.

I’ve heard adoption waiting times feel a bit like pregnancy without a due date.  And without the nasty side effects of weight gain, swollen ankles and thank You Jesus, LABOR!  The airplane trip home will suffice for all three of those things, I assume.

Waiting for our Asker in China is akin to waiting for Spring in Duluth.  3-6″ of the white stuff is supposed to be falling tonight, April 4, just in case some of you are reading this later this year… April 4.  Snow.  Sigh.

Just last week, the snow melted off the deck so the kids had a picnic outside.  Notice the adult in the background dressed wisely, my kids not so much.

How we survive the wait

How we survive the wait

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Tickled Pink

My good friend asked me last week, “What has happened lately that makes you feel like you just got a new puppy?”  Sort of an odd way to ask what’s made you happy lately, but it put me in the mood to write all sorts of ways the kids have made me smile.

Saturday we went swimming at the Y.  Calista and Elam love to show off what they’ve learned in their lessons.  (Thank You Jesus for the therapy pool!)  Calista was underwater 80% of the time perfecting her somersaults.  Finally she mastered 2 in a row without taking a breath.  Then she taught herself to do a backwards one, then 2.  Or a forward followed by a backwards… Elam learned to jump in alone (with a floatie) and go underwater without freaking out.  He did NOT want to leave after 90 minutes.

Ok enough Mommy-bragging.  I’ll get to the point.

It struck me as I watched them underwater that this is why we teach them how to swim: so they can go underwater.  It isn’t so they can splash on the side, walk on the bottom of the pool or keep their head above water.

It reminds me of what we are learning at Bible study at church in regards to faith.  Caleb and Joshua were 2 out of thousands (millions?) who decided to believe God and go for it, even if it seemed obnoxious and impossible.  If we want to see our faith grow, perhaps we need to take some risks and see what happens?!

Calista loves to go underwater.  She searches for hidden treasures, can swim way faster and plays with her dad who also is never above the water much longer than necessary for a breath.  Imagine what she’ll discover when we go to the ocean!

So what risks might God invite you to take this Easter season?  I’m going to follow my kids’ attitude and go for it.  And I imagine that the joy I get watching my kids learn is similar to how our Dad feels watching us.

 

 

 

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SuperMom, Wonder Woman and Martha Stewart

“Mommy has a problem.  She yells too much.”

3 minutes before that I was literally face down on our pink carpet, tucked between our bed and dresser.  “Momma?  Where are you?”  Elam stood in his doorway, trying to figure out what was going on.

“I’m in here, Elam.”  “What are you doing, Momma?”

“Repenting.”

Then I led him into his sister’s room where I tried to explain sin, repentance, my struggles, and how God can help us change.  All that in a few short minutes in the presence of my 5 and 3 year olds, happily playing Legos.

It had started out innocently enough: the kids would paint while I washed the floors in the kitchen.  I had to remind them about 10 times that the floor was wet.  Elam fell once and got paint on the wet floors plus managed to paint his sister’s rear end plus her underwear.  Without being too graphic, she was painting in a t-shirt only.  I was fairly frustrated, but kept it together and then was very clear I didn’t want them to walk around too much until the floor dried.

Calista paints our house.

Then I ran downstairs to do the 6th load of laundry, pick up a bit and quick dust the Barbie mansion (seriously Mom, a mansion?  This house is 4 feet high, 3 stories.  Barbies never had it so good.  They even have an elevator… I’ll have to blog about that sometime because this parathetical interruption is getting to long…).  We had gymnastics in a hour and I was a machine: SuperMom, Wonder Woman and Martha Stewart in perfect harmony.

Then I came up to find two screaming kids on the carpeted staircase, paint in various places and I yelled, “Get into the kitchen!  No painted kids belong on the stairway!”

We got back upstairs and again, I regained composure.  Until I looked at Elam’s face and hair painted green.  I scrubbed him off and Calista started to giggle.  Something just set me off.  I slammed their art cabinet door and sent them both to their rooms, and I sent myself to my room.

I hate yelling.  It makes Elam cry.  I makes Calista yell back at me.  It makes my stomach hurt even though it was almost 24 hours ago.  It makes me embarrassed as a follower of Jesus.  It makes me sad to have to call Brian and confess.

Later that night I was doing my Bible study in Exodus.  The Israelites had been camping at the base of the mountain where God had led them safely out of bondage and oppression.  He graciously spoke to Moses and gave them the 10 commandments.  Then He told them to pack up and head out again.  Change.  Goody.

The application question was, “where is God asking you to make a change?”

Suddenly the tantrum I had focused less on the kids’ disobedience and more on my poor time management skills and parenting.  SuperMom, Wonder Woman and Martha Stewart forgot to ask the convicting Holy Spirit to the party.

I shut my Bible study book.  I looked at Brian and I said, “I need to make a change.”

And I did.  More on what we did later…  But I did some things.  Immediately.

Repentance: it’s not for sissies.  But thank God this mom who had spent part of the afternoon on that horrid pink carpet had forgiving kids (they had forgotten by the time we headed out in the snowstorm, on a sled that I drug behind him, to gymnastics an hour later) and a supportive husband who insists I don’t yell as much as I used to.

To watch Elam’s adorable video, explaining about all of his “roads” on his picture, click here:

 

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What’s good for you

We had lots of babies here this week.  Brian’s 33’rd birthday brought 14 kids.  Then I watched our sweet Noah Bee Wednesday and Thursday.  Friday I had “Lukie,” as my kids call him.

Many of you might know our own Asker kids are not known for their normal sleep pattern.  I always say I’ve never cracked the “sleep code.”  They didn’t really sleep through the night until 2 or so…

So with these babies here this week, I again felt my … ineptness in regards to sleep. These boys did NOT want to take their naps.  It was hard to hear them cry, try to hold them, rock them, sing to them and nothing would work.  After 20-30 minutes, probably exhausted, they fell asleep.

As I held Luke, I heard in my spirit, “this is you.”  So many times, God might be leading me or telling me things for my own good, but I do NOT agree.  I fight.  I cry.  I get bitter.  I have a tantrum.  I’m good at those.

Even Calista not wanting to get a shot this week, I found myself thinking, “This is for her own good.”

Elam threw up most of last night.  Unfortunately, Brian’s family is also visiting.  I don’t know what part of today was “good for me,” but I relaxed and just went with.  Elam and I had lots of snuggle time, movies and napped together on his floor, him holding my hand.

The times I go for the tantrum route, no one is grateful.  Today, Brian and Elam both are grateful I didn’t pitch a fit.  Me too.  Maybe God as well.

Psalm 23 – He makes us lie down.  That’s it.

It’s for our own good.

 

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