Life as an Asker

Chaos Redeemed – if i ever write a book that will be the title.

One might think vacationing the way we just did might have been pure chaos: 9 days, 3 different beds and 4 different combinations of people ending with a wake up call at 5:30am.

But instead it was more like this:

Pool at condo: home #1 with Brian’s great uncle and aunt

Out for ice cream and wild life

This is what I got to do after running my 10 miles on a beach

Yup, XS didn’t drown in the pool.

This is house # 3.  Mango Street.  Complete with a little corner “restaurant” that makes HEAVENLY BISCUITS, SIN-amon rolls and made the beach .25 miles away reek of those rolls every morning as I walked back home from my beach workouts.

There were 12 people in the house most of the time.  Cousins helping put on skits, family to celebrate XS and Brian’s March birthdays, mom and my aunt would stroll to the grocery store for more ketchup, everyone would in the sand and watch sunsets.

It was glorious.

Today is Palm Sunday and it was odd and sad to miss a church worship service, but we got to be near palm trees and talk about Jesus’ entrance to Jerusalem.  It must have been CHAOS that year with the regular crowds but then all the drama with the Messiah and the people’s hopes and dreams.

Little did they know what chaos was about to ensue.

I am playing with the thought of claiming that everything is “redeemable” with God.  Everything.  

For instance:  This trip was planned months ago and I was the one purchasing the tickets on line.  We found our times and price and I loaded up the page, entered my data and fell asleep for my typical nap.  Waking up and checking my email, I sucked all the air out of the room when I realized I had purchased 1 ticket.  For me.

I quickly loaded the same times and prices (thanks to Jesus) and purchased 4 more.  Whew.

However, it meant our family wasn’t really “together” according to the airline.  So we had seat issues.

On the way home, it meant scrambling and not getting said seats until everyone else had boarded.  Like we shut the door behind us.  And then settled into the row of seats right behind first class, with extra leg room and wiggle room for 2 boys who go potty every 10 minutes on a plane ride.  Chaos Redeemed.

Now, our plane tickets or simple vacation is no test for God’s ability to redeem.  But suffering, death, illness and dark injustice may seem beyond His Touch.  But I think this Holy Week is a way for us to put our faith in a God who can take anything (and anyone) and redeem.

I came back from vacation feeling so euphoric I actually told a few friends that I felt as if I had been smoking weed (I never inhaled…) because I was so chill.  I have never returned from a vacation so relaxed, rested and refreshed.

That lasted about 52 hours.

Then I woke up Wednesday with a different chill.  It was about 25 degrees. I wish I had a picture of the forecast on my phone but suffice to say “frozen fog” and the literally freezing temps did not make me excited about my 8:00am, 6-mile run I was planning to put in.

Calista was pokey for the 3rd morning in a row and despite her list of “morning” jobs, she was reading a book.  Everything felt creaky in my body and I felt crabby.

I told the big kids as I drove them to school that I needed an attitude adjustment.  Bless Calista’s heart, she apologized.  I told her it really wasn’t about her but it was sweet of her to realize she wasn’t helping!

I got home from the drop off and managed to psych myself up enough to get out my green MN Wild hat, bright red and black striped stretchy gloves (minus 2 fingers) and started to strap on my shoes.  I texted my big sister to complain about the weather and said, “It’s 30 degrees this morning.  My shoes are filled with sand.  The irony is not lost on me.” 

I grunted and groaned, told Brian I did NOT want to do this, and got a “have fun!” from him as I shut the door behind me.

It was not a pleasant run.  My legs were freezing cold, pillars of cement and I couldn’t’ feel my toes for over 3 miles.  The wind whipped up my jacket and found the small pockets of flesh exposed.  I felt sluggish and my pace was the “28th fastest.” Super.

Afterwards I texted my sister again, “Did run on sand today!  All the icky, snow sand left on the side of the streets.”

5 days ago I was practically sprinting down beaches with little resistance.  No jacket, hat, gloves or leggings slowing me down.  The sun was on my face and my biggest concern was missing a dolphin in the waves or getting a sun burn.

Some days are just like that, aren’t they?

Yesterday, my water bottle really did fall into the toilet:

I was at the Y for the big kids’ gymnastics lessons and I was parched from running and a weight lifting class earlier in the day.  We had walked to the Y and I was ready for a huge gulp or 3.  However, what goes in…

So I was visiting the loo when I tried to figure out a place for my bottle.  I don’t like putting it on the floor and the TP dispenser was tippy.

Back of the toilet it was!  Just as I was about to sit down, KERSPLASH!  I heard a voice say, “That wasn’t your water bottle was it?”

I laughed so hard.  Somehow the woman next to me had noticed me put it there when she was entering the neighboring stall (actually this seems creepy now that I think of it…).  Well we both laughed so hard, Elam came in from outside and asked, “Momma, who is in there with you!?”  I told him about the water bottle and he laughed too.

Sometimes we try so hard to have good days.  Make good decisions.  Be fit.  Train hard.  Eat well.  Then have a freak out yelling spurt with your adoptive kid who canNOT seem to hang up a shirt on a hanger!

Then you put yourself down for a nap, get a hair cut and shop for Easter.

Other days your water bottle falls into the toilet.

Either way, I am trying hard to believe the Spirit lives in this body of mine.  I am trying hard to remember the little things don’t matter.  And I’m trying to remember there is a Big Story I am a part of and this Holy Week can remind me I am saved no matter my attitude.

PS: water bottle may be retired or I’m thinking once through the dishwasher makes it safe?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a House Fairy?

You know, when you woke up and It had emptied the dishwasher already?

Or after dinner, It came through your destroyed kitchen and scrubbed pots and the stovetop and put away leftovers?

Or when your van is TRASHED after months of a Duluth winter, with ground salt (not the yummy kind), Goldfish, apples and those little, tiny black pebbles that get everywhere, It came through and polished the cup holders?

Or, yes Jesus, when your husband is away and you have been sick as a dog full of chocolate, It takes care of your fevery child who wakes up every hour, yelling and yelling some more?

Or when your child who has been up all night decides 5:50 is the last wake up time and your other kid wakes up at 6:05 It takes over breakfast making and replies “sure!” when the 6:05 kid whines, “who can I play with?!”

Or when you realize the hourly wake-r is wheezing and you really wanted to hit the Y to get the cramps out of your legs from vomiting, sitting on the toilet and trying to rest… It takes over and does the doctor visit?

Or when you have to wait at the Pharmacy because the guy is running around like crazy (it is noon) doing every.single.job.in.the.Pharmacy.  (Really, no one else to help fill prescriptions?  To run the till?)  It could take the children home and give them a much needed nap…

Or when you realize the Pharmacy does not have a nebulizer and the doctor forgot to mention you get to take a trip in the opposite direction from the Pharmacy to pick one up, It takes over and picks up your third child from the bus, is fun and does her nails and hair in cool braids that look like stars and … fairies. (they do hearts, why not stars and fairies?  Let’s go Pinterest!)

Or when you seriously need a nap because you’re not sure you can face the next hour much less the next 20 minutes of driving, It tells you to lie back, tilt the seat, put in ear plus and imagine Tahiti…

Or when you have no good ideas for meals and you have to run 9 miles tomorrow, It suddently becomes a Personal Chef, packing you full of the right balance of carbs, protein and easy to digest veggies.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

I don’t have a Fairy.  I don’t even have a husband this week to help.

Calista is super but she just can’t drive yet and that’s a major cramp to this whole process lately… She also cannot stay home alone with the boys yet (I don’t think so…)

Suffice to say this is a week that begged for a blog.  After the 10th Immodium on Tuesday I thought I was homefree until we realized I couldn’t find a document we needed to get a SSN for XS.  Without a number we cannot file our taxes… You figure out how frustrated I am and how frustrated Brian is, sitting in Chicago, wondering where he put said document.

Then the boys started coughing and waking up at night and I thought, really, I need a full night’s rest in order to heal up from The Sick that punched me in the gut, backside and anus the beginning of the week.

Then the wheezing happened today.  We went to the doctor (which is always a time to wish for a Fairy…)

Then the doctor prescribed this.

It was amazing.  He even said “cheese” when I took this.  With a 101 temperature and everything…

This also happened today:



Elam decided it was time for XS to learn to zip his own jacket.  The patience these two had was AMAZING.

At some point, a girlfriend who had her own share of vomit and a double ear infection in her infant texted me about what a disaster her house was.

The words of Jesus came to me in a new, fresh, encouraging way today:

Let not your heart be troubled…In My Father’s house there are many mansions.  If it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you. John 14

First, Jesus is preparing that place.  He is the Fairy I am longing for.  He will take care of the carpets, counters and window smudges (if there are windows with smudges, carpets or kitchens in heaven…)

Secondly, there are many places to live but only one Home.  We all get to be together.  No single parenting, no lonely nights wiping puke from your kids’ face.  No long days without anyone to talk to.  We will all be together.

Lastly, in this wonderful land known as Forever, we read elsewhere there is no more death, no more sickness.

I needed this Good News today in my own way.  Yes there are much more serious troubles out there and you may be walking through them right now.

But His words are still true no matter how deep, hard, dead or done you may think you are.

He left to go prepare a place for you.

And since He’s doing that work, I can go to bed tonight with my big, ol’ dirty stew pot in the sink.  Maybe the Fairy will show up:)

I may have lost 6 pounds and definitely lost 2 days of my life.

3 hours after Brian left for 7 days at Wheaton Grad School, I woke up with a roiling belly. A few hours later I skipped dinner and pushed through to our small group Bible study, only to leave early. I made it home just in time to puke into my own toilet.

The boys kept checking on me, bringing pillows, blankets and things into the bathroom.

Somehow, Calista put the squirrels to bed and got herself to bed. I moaned and tried to keep it down.



Me dressed to stay warm. Bathroom shot taken for Brian to give me sympathy:)

Miracles: I slept 7 hours Sunday night and got big kids to school on time – even though the Daylight Savings inventor (who must have never had children or needed sleep themselves) wanted to thwart the plans for punctuality.

My friends took over all day Monday: they got to the aquarium, a friend house, a walk in puddles and crashed a birthday party.

Monday night I was still unwell, and a different friend offered help.

So again I slept all night and again, we got to school on time!! The boys got picked up for swim lessons and some more puddle jumping and I slept.

This afternoon hit 62 according to a weather app. Thank God!

Kids biked. I ate eggs and toast in the sunshine on the deck in a tank. Granted I was bra-less and shaggy since I had been in bed all day and as I basked in the vitamin D I turned my head in time to see the neighbor guys bringing out the dogs. Awesome. From then on I kept my plate up over my chest.



Notice the shot avoids the chest...

As I reeled the last 2 days from fatigue, pain and cleaning frantically, I felt so blessed. I asked for help and got it. My friends came and went with my kids like nbd. I got dozens of text messages to see how I was. 

I used new emojis:

???

The first one is a bit “middle school” but made me laugh.

So now I’m back parenting my own kids I hope full time, brian comes home in 4.5 days and I lost some weight before hitting the beach in less than 2 weeks.

Chaos Redeemed

We celebrated our first born this week.

Brian got up early to make pancakes, her favorite. We brought her to school with cupcakes in hand and as she walked to her locker her friends flocked around her. Two boys immediately said happy birthday.

It warms a parent’s heart to know her child is so well loved at school!

We all went to have lunch with her at school and again, I was so encouraged by her friends! Two girls asked her to walk with them and they approached the lunch lady to tell her it was Calista’s birthday. Everyone in the cafeteria sang to her.

At the end of day while slurping her favorite chicken tortilla soup, she said “school” was the best part of her day.

Her cousin also made this sweet video for her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm6GCRxfbRc

Today had many potential ways for me to FREAK OUT.

6:45 waking up as a single parent I was ready for the day!  I got 3 kids out the door by 7:30, 1 for school, 2 so social services won’t pick me up for leaving the boys alone in the house.  Even though they dawdle at the shoes, boots, mittens and coats stage, I stepped out into the garage, turned on the van and sat in it, waiting without yelling.

8:00am: babysat 2 kids for my friend touring our kids’ school.  I really want them to like it so I kept 2/3 of their kids, enhancing the experience:)

9:05: we hit the streets, hoping to make 9:30 swim lessons and 9:37 class for me.  I had texted a friend to grab my weights and mat.  I was calm, but determined.  I was prepped the boys to walk fast when we got to the Y… and I was ready to speed down Woodland Ave when…

The car in front of me pulls over and breaks.  I suddenly notice lights and a fire truck so I pull over too.

Then another fire truck, EMS vehicle and 7 minutes later, a Police Car from Fridley and an emergency vehicle from International Falls passed us.  The boys asked what was going on and I responded, “A fire fighter died while taking care of other people. We are honoring him by not driving while his funeral procession goes past.  This is way more important than getting to the Y in time.”

We managed to get downtown in ok time and then, alleluia, found a meter right out front of the Y.

I got my workout in, the boys had swimming lessons and although showering with those two squirrels can be harrowing, we made it.  It might have been the applesauce packets they slurped fresh from the shower.  When I say fresh, I mean dripping wet in a towel.

This seems to happen more to me lately than the trends of the past.  Yelling, pushing, punishing, cramming in too much and expecting my boys to handle it better than I can.

A few weeks ago, I read this article about yelling:

http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2015/01/05/how-to-stop-shouting-at-your-child/?ncid=aolshare_facebook

It hit me hard.  I didn’t want to be like that anymore.

So I did what the article prompted me to do: I declared THE END.

I would try to stop yelling.  And the kids could help me by:

1. Reminding me.

2. When I got through a day without yelling, they give me a sticker.

3. If I yelled, I lost my favorite coping with the stress of the world snack: Energy Bites (mine have coconut, honey, oatmeal, wheat germ, carob/choc chips and PEANUT BUTTER! sometimes walnuts…).  I lived for these things!



They loved giving me the stickers.

I went 14 days straight without losing it!  It was amazing especially because I was sick, Brian was away, I got the monthly friend and hosted a birthday party for 100 of Calista’s friends in the midst of that.

Then I fell off the wagon, only to now be day 3 again, no yelling.

It’s also led to some conversations with Brian about what constitutes losing one’s temper and when is it sin and when is it simply parenting and our stage of life filled with frustrations.

The kids love it.  The stickers, the no yelling and the peacefulness.

I love it.  There is not as much fear in their eyes when they screw up.

Brian loves it.  He hates hearing the yelling from his office but even more those desperate text messages when he is out of town… like these:

I have HAD IT.  THEY DON’T LISTEN. I AM LOSING MY &*()(*^ING MIND.

OK, I am headed to the Y with these two silly boys and if they argue over the hitting the buttons as we go inside I will go insane.

I don’t care if he’s adopted.  I don’t care that he doesn’t always know what I mean.  I don’t care he’s only been my kid for 7 months.  I need him to stop losing it over what shoes he is going to wear today.



UGH.  I had gotten to be a royal, immature, demanding, controlling Mother You Hope You’d Never Grow Up to Be.

I think what has helped lately are a few of the following things:

1. I get more rest.  I nap almost every day.  I utilize the iPad if they boys can’t be quiet and I ignore household chores every day from 1-2:10 when I have to rise to meet Calista, the bus and the rest of the day.

2. I stay off the screens right before bed.  I read real, paper books.  This ensures tired eyes and less 12:00am feeding frenzies of Jimmy Fallon.

3. I plan less.  I have less playdates, less library trips, less meetings, less expectations.

4.  I enter the room of said child, make my requests known and wait for obedience.  Then I get back to what I’m doing.  This eliminates the first set of yelling back and forth.



calista working on a birthday art project

Transitions are still BRUTUAL.  Mornings are still stressful.  Mealtimes are next to wine-drinking may become necessary for me moments… But by the Grace of God, I am receiving victory.

It has also been a huge improvement on my recent musings on feeling fulfilled and appreciated as a parent (more on that later).

For now, I am enjoying my stickers.  And last time I made energy bites, I doubled the batch on Faith.

I did something tonight I haven’t done in a million years: I wept like a baby chopping onions. I always give Brian a hard time when he tears up and here I was, 2 onions into my 8 to chop and yikes. I had to leave twice.

(Why 8 onions you might ask? Our small group is making a bunch of meals to keep frozen for needs that arise among us. One woman in our group organized the tasks and I got 8 onions and 1 head of celery to chop for tmrw.)

The second time I did what any smart woman does in the kitchen when she has a problem: google it. lifehacker to the rescue!

Found a website that tested ways of chopping onions and discovered an obvious solution: turn on the vent.

Fail.

Second solution: wear goggles. There are actually “onions goggles.”

It is unclear to me why the “international” part is necessary. Or why someone would spend $20 on these things!

Especially in our house where we own swim goggles, which run between $12-19 at the local sporting goods store. (the cheap ones of course).

Well I dove into my gym bag and found the swim suit, the swim cap and the swim towel… but not my goggles. I took XS’ since his melon is larger than you might imagine for an almost 4-year old.

I strapped those bad boys on, stuffed a tissue up my nose just like my momma used to when she was cleaning and hit it with the Pampered Chef chopper like a pro.

It was epic.

Calista was sitting next to the kitchen at the dining table and looked over. Calmly she said, “Mom, why are you wearing goggles?” Then went back to her Amelia Earhart homework. Somehow the tissue didn’t bother her.

I got to thinking, is the pain around my eyes from these too tight goggles worse or better than the burning and weeping?

__________

This past Sunday, our church rejoiced over our being able to help the Union Gospel Mission with food. Apparently we collected and purchased over 15,000 pounds of food.

The food shelf at UGM was considering closing down due to their lack of food. They were in great need.

So we did something. We headed to 2 local SuperOne stores, handed out flyers, shopped like crazy and asked others to do the same.

The check out clerk was amazed as Calista, XS and I went through the line behind 3 other church friends. He said, “It makes me want to do something. Maybe after work I’ll buy something to donate too!”

There are a lot of needs out there and honestly, it can really get to me. Orphans, abuse, horrible movies that make $10 million yet there are food shelves that are empty and many other things TICK ME OFF.

Sometimes I just put on my goggles and avoid it.

But ignoring it doesn’t solve anything. And sometimes it hurts worse. Let’s not be folks who just walk past the needs around us.

My eyes and nose and throat are still burning by the way, 30 minutes after shutting that last Tupperware.

And I’m thinking next time, I’m taking the potatoes.

We celebrated our first born this week.

Brian got up early to make pancakes, her favorite. We brought her to school with cupcakes in hand and as she walked to her locker her friends flocked around her. Two boys immediately said happy birthday.

It warms a parent’s heart to know her child is so well loved at school!

We all went to have lunch with her at school and again, I was so encouraged by her friends! Two girls asked her to walk with them and they approached the lunch lady to tell her it was Calista’s birthday. Everyone in the cafeteria sang to her.

At the end of day while slurping her favorite chicken tortilla soup, she said “school” was the best part of her day.

Her cousin also made this sweet video for her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm6GCRxfbRc