Life as an Asker

Monday I was working out at the Y, sweating it and rocking a class. I was LOUDLY counting the jumping jacks and clapping and enjoying every minute of it.

Elam had been sick all weekend, Brian was leaving in 90 minutes for 4 days and I was going to get a week’s worth of exercise in one day… Or I was gonna try.

As my sweat expanded across my stomach I started to note that I.Looked.Fierce. My abs were clearly outlined and looked amazing. It might have been those 5lbs I lost the previous week die to my stomach virus? Or the Happy Planksgiving I did last month?

Well I was so impressed with myself that after the cool down, I looked down at my amazing 6-pack and was shocked to find a perfect stain of black from my weights. (We had held barbels for a decent amount of time.) Apparently the sweat and black rubber had made a perfect impression of fierceness…

I laughed out loud, told my friends what happened and we joked I’ll never wash that tank again!

Well, this week has proved to be one that reveals just how fierce I am.

Elam ended up with strep and a cough that is wicked. I slept 4 hrs Monday night. Calista escaped one afternoon and dinner at a friend’s house (Thanks Gardners!). But we have been quarantined every day this week so far. Brian and friends have received so many texts from me, including a few at 1:30am, it’s stupid… We are headed back to the clinic for the 3rd time this week this afternoon, since XS spiked a fever this morning.

When my kids are sick I like to out them on the table in a box… What do you do?

‘Tis the season for empty big boxes

Calista has somehow managed to stay healthy! Alleluia.

Trying to spend time with Calista, we banned the boys from the kitchen and made homemade Peppermint Patties. Wow, what a mess. But they are amazing. I have felt like I have been ignoring my eldest so it was nice to spend time with her for a change. And I didn’t have to blow her nose once!

What a mess! I would have taken a pic but my hands were too disgusting.

I’ve got to try this recipe again and see if I can make them look prettier…

They taste ah-maxing. That’s ah-mazing.

Fierce mothering put to the test… 2 sick boys, one of whom sticks tissues up his nose just to save time. Husband away. Not great nights of sleep. Dreary winter skies. Raw knuckles from cleaning, laundry, wiping noses and washing hands. Hand gel is no better since now the cracks sting when then alcohol hits them…

I mostly have been pretty fierce, like in a good way. God’s grace is sufficient.

But other times the raw tired self shows through.

Calista had a meltdown the other night getting out of the bath and I calmly went to help her. She said, “mom normally you yell at me to just get my PJ’s on.” “Well,” I said, “the boys haven’t been well and I know I’ve been ignoring you. I guess I just have more compassion tonight.”

Then last night she called out from her room, some 10-15 minutes after she had left the bath and I asked her to get ready for bed, “mom, do you have any compassion left?”

“Why?” I asked.

“well, I’m lying on the floor not getting my PJ’s on and I was wondering if I was about to get into trouble.”

Classic reminder of how I am not always the right kind of fierce.

One more thought:
I watched Jimmy Fallon last night (other than because of my best texting friends I had not smiled much yesterday) and Carrie Underwood sang her “Something in the Water” which describes her experience with baptism.

Watch her video here if you’d like…

She is fierce. Her voice is amazing. Made me wish I could sing about Jesus that way so that others could hear me.

But I do have a voice. And how will I use it today? Even if I don’t have millions to hear me, these 3 little ones (and sometimes my mail carrier gets to hear me too: the other day the boys were fighting while I was shoveling the driveway and I hollered at them through the garage door and she showed up right after I was done yellowing. Whew.) will be listening.

My words can be so fierce: full of angst and impatience… Or full of compassion, energy and mothering-kinds of words. We can do more than we can ever hope or imagine because He can do it through us…

But to be honest, I’d rather be showing my fierce abs, running a marathon this week.

Parenting is a lot like any job: you’re never really done. There is always one more thing:

Wipe down the counters for the 3rd time that morning b/c you are trying to keep Elam’s strep throat to Elam’s throat, find 25 things that need to be put away.

Put away thing #3 in the boys’ room and realize they have no clean pants. Check laundry basket that was empty Sunday and find it full.

Head downstairs to throw laundry in, realized the sheets you washed this morning after Elam coughed like a croupy mess in your bed all night are still wet in the dryer.

Realize the grandparents are headed to visit Thursday and the spare room and downstairs bathroom need cleaning…

Seriously. These things are not made up. I don’t have enough time nor is my brain functioning well enough to be creative enough to imagine such inane madness.

Actual events today:
Calista gets picked up at 330 for a play date, escaping germs
335 boys get PBS kids
336 I call my pastor to prep a small group leader training that happens next week. We have had to reschedule 2 times and now we get a phone appointment
358 doorbell rings. The guy is here to measure windows for an estimate. He was supposed to arrive at 430
Ditch the pastor (Sorry Brett)
Spend 45 minutes with the windows man. Try to call Brett back and he’s out of the office
450 Start oven. Start to cook chicken and 2 loaves of bread, ground beef for lasagna for Thursday
455 XS has a meltdown because the TV stops his favorite show and he can’t just watch it again…

Did I mention that after dinner, Elam smacked his face into the piano bench, splitting his lip? This is the same kid who 2 days ago, on his 5th birthday, had to cancel his party… He ended up testing positive with strep Monday.

Blood after a long day is not my favorite

And did I also mention Brian is out of town? And I had to call him around 130am b/c Elam wouldn’t stop screaming about how badly his ears hurt? I slept about 4 hours last night…

It has seriously been one thing after another.

I tried to carve out 3 minutes for just Calista time tonight. Reading to her before bed, praying and snuggling. Really quickly but alone. She had been just a great helper tonight (other than when she screamed upon coming home that she didn’t want to see Elam’s gross, bloody face…). When Elam got out of the bathtub and was freezing cold, she read his new book that arrived one of those door bell times.

Thanks Uncle Brandon and Aunt Jessica!

Well, first XS crawled in like a ninja, joining her under her covers. Then Elam heard me reading from his top bunk and hollered “Can I come too?!”

Then this happened.

How grateful I am that we added just one more kid. That I spent 1 more minute with Calista. That I took 25 more deep breaths today and didn’t scream at anyone. That there is always one more thing to do (I never did finish rebuilding that Lego fire truck…) but I certainly have job security.

Since Brian is having a dance party with the kids downstairs (causing all 4 of them to run upstairs and either change into shorts or take off their shirts…) I’m going to try and capture a sweet moment we had together this afternoon.

First may I give a shout out to whatever virus is shutting me down. Ironically I posted about Advent leaving us “Light-er” trying to focus on Jesus and instead, I have left Thanksgiving weekend a few pounds lighter than I started it… not in the best, most restful way.

–was that too much information?

Secondly, when I get sick I have a tendency to … wait, let’s just say it I HATE BEING SICK. Not for the stomach pain that makes me use breathing techniques that anyone who has gone through labor is familar with, or the frequent trips to the loo, but for a far different reason: I hate not doing anything. I am bad at it.

So yesterday I cleaned like mad. Because I was mad.

Today I prepped Elam’s 5th birthday cake. What do you think?

Months ago I started prepping Turtles and Planes themed parties. Then he tells me, SuperMan.

Then I tried to play with the boys today. It’s hard to keep up with the “twins.”

We played games working on our Chinese.

We write the Chinese characters on plates and make up all sorts of games. We also have the alphabet on plates. Calista has to spell, Elam has to make the sound and XS has to find the letter: 3 for 1 educational CHEAP game.

Then Elam, XS and I sat down to tell stories. I drew and told the story of going to China, of how daddy asked mommy to go out and then, how we have came to have 3 babies. XS does not agree that he wasn’t in my stomach, so I tried a different tactic today. Instead of drawing a big tummy, I drew a big heart. I said he was in there. Then the boys listened to my actual heart and that seemed to make it ok with him.

We took out some pictures we have of his orphanage and his eyes lit up as if he was remembering every detail. He instantly said “CHINA!” Then his tongue started and wouldn’t quit. Stuff like: downstairs, my house. 2 teachers. My ge-ge (his foster big brother). My nai-nai (maternal grandmother – was his foster mother’s neighbor, probably). Then “ma-ma.” My bed.

We heard about how he sang and went on stage downstairs from his school. How his school was upstairs from his home. How they would go play at playgrounds with swings and “trains.” He also said his teachers would pick him up and they were “strong.” When he saw his split pants (how some potty train in Asian countries) he said “pull-ups.” Oh man and when he saw “ba-ba policeman” he smiled so big.

It was so neat to learn from him! I called Brian to stop working to come join us after 5 minutes so he wouldn’t miss it all. I wish I could have had it all on video so if he ever forgets he could watch all of it.

We love that he remembers China. The other day he broke our hearts though when he said he was sad because he “missed China.”

It’s amazing how this little 3.5 year old retains his past life, immerses himself in his present and keeps learning to keep up with his bigger siblings.

Just a good sick day, redeemed by remembering our wonderful friends in China, some of whom we have never met, but for whom we are eternally grateful.

– Edited by the illustrious Calista Asker
thank you, dear, for finding my mistakes.
smart alec! Love it.

So I just had my blog all set to publish and #)(*$_. Don’t know where it went.

Deep breath.

This week has been so good that I don’t even get mad when 20 minutes of writing goes kaput. Yes. Victory. Small but significant.

I am afraid I might go all mushy like a February, uh, May thaw (Duluth people. No thaws until May, this is our life.)

It’s been a blessed week and if I do lose you, I will claim the attitude of the Psalmists who remind us to tell of God’s goodness all the days of our lives.

It is moments like Brian’s prayer time with the boys last night. When he asked what we can thank God for that day, XS said, “Ge-ge” and Elam said “Di-Di”, pointing at one another. Then they hugged and snuggled in Elam’s bed.

Or this morning when their 5:30am wake up time was softened (only a very little bit) when I realized Elam was snuggled in XS’ bed, under the covers.

Or tonight, when we had a re-run of last night’s thanksgiving, except it concluded with XS tucking Elam in and saying “night night!”

Or the other day when XS was trying to tell me something in the car. I just couldn’t get it. Until Elam interpreted and followed it up with the statement, “Mom, I always know what he is saying.”

Or at the aquarium the other day when they were sharing the ship wheel and coming up with a hilarious meteorologist game. It made me wonder if this is how the real ones do it?

The aquarium never gets old for these 2

Or when we were reading the Creation story, Elam points at the illustration and asks, “Is that a nebulous?”

Or today when we had a few extra kids around. XS loved helping baby Abby get a toy. He loved playing with Luke, talking and pretending. And Luke understood him!

The 2 boys have definitely bonded, but it leaves Calista out sometimes. We are learning she actually needs extra attention, especially since she is left alone to take care of herself.

So this week we did fancy dinner. The table setting, tablecloth, crystal glasses and candles were fancy. The girls got dressed up. The leftover pizza, steamed veggies and Elam’s SuperMan costume were not so much on the fancy side.

Calista had a rough Friday last week at school. Sunday were talking about re-entry tomorrow. She was anxious about her teacher and if she’d get into trouble again. Suddenly she said, “Mom, our church should make a youtube video of the ‘Let it go’ song and make it about sin and forgiveness. You know like
Let it go, let it go
Christ forgave you to set you free
Let it go, let it go
No more guilt and no more shame.”

Fun, simple moments brought to us by our creative Calista.

At the mid-week point, I just find myself brimming with gratitude, enjoying the break from wanting to pull my hair out every 2 seconds. Oh and XS was dry this morning for the first time since we received him! It just has been so good I can hardly keep track of it all to write it down.

It’s so good even the sludge in the dishwasher I cleaned out did not bother me. Nor did missing the Y today. Nor did the snow showers that made Duluth look like a snow globe. Nor does the fact that no matter how often I clean the bathroom, the 5 of us just MESS it up again.

A grateful heart prepares the way for You my God.

Brian has had to work a lot of nights lately and the kids are over it. One night last week, Elam was particularly upset and cried, sobbed really. It was bedtime of course and so I carried him up to his too bunk and snuggled for a bit. Eventually XS crawled up too, handed him a tissue and a favorite stuffed animal.

XS doesn’t express compassion very well yet. We can get hurt, have our fish die or even get angry and he seems to be undisturbed. This was really the first time we saw him care about someone’s pain and it was towards the one who bothers him the most!

These boys love their baba

Then last night I was again putting Elam to bed and XS crawled up, lying next to his brother. He even started rubbing his back, lovingly. Then when it was time to get down he said “night night!” Joyfully and then gave ge-ge a huge hug. Elam looked at me over his shoulder like “oh yeah!”

The big kids notice when he shows affection. He doesn’t spontaneously do it very often. He rarely if ever initiates it. I’d say he tolerates it from Calista, and it really bothers her. Elam’s cracked the code! Isn’t it funny how they can fight like animals, scream like pterodactyls and then fiercely love one another too?

We parents have also noticed XS running to us, hugging our legs when we pick him up at kids club at the Y, greeting us when we get home or even just getting a hug now and then. It makes the hard stuff easier!

Brothers snacking at the aquarium.

She ate the whole thing: proud or horrified moments?!

Calista has continued to be a helper with the boys. She loved showing XS how to play in the snow. I wish I had a picture from Sunday to compare with today’s view of the backyard. We went from lovely fall to deep winter. Inches of snow and flurries racing across the roads have made Duluth dangerous. I actually read an article yesterday that said we should try to avoid the hills in town… Uh. Like the only thing left then is the lake and that’s not frozen yet!

This picture makes me wonder what’s he’s thinking… Like seriously i have to put up with THIS!?!

Thankfully Elam still LOVES to play in the snow

Ever the teacher…

It’s winter, but with our kids gradually warming up (ooh sometimes it’s just too easy!) to each other and us, I think we can endure. Bring it.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

Do you know what power is?

Chapter 1:19-20 says that the same power that raised Christ from the dead works towards us. We have access to resurrection power.

Sometimes I need resurrection power: like when Calista needs to wake up for school and would rather play dead.

Or when Brian is gone for 4 full days, including 2 school days and 2 weekend days. And I’m teaching Sunday school and Elam won’t go to his classroom. And then later I am leading our small group.

4 kids. 1 mom. 3 hours at a packed Harvest Festival. Priceless.

The power sometimes comes when I don’t expect it: meeting friends at the Harvest Festival (seriously 500 people were packed around me) when I find I’m covered in caramel and cannot possibly pick up all our schtuff and desperately need to go wash hands. Never get 4 kids balloon animals first thing at a party. Novice move.

Frozen blue poodle. This sucker still lives 4 days later!

Or in unexpected ways: did you catch I had 4 kids? No we haven’t adopted another but had a friend of Calista’s with us and it was SUPER easy to have another! We did the buddy system and the girls stuck together. Elam rocked as a big brother and refused to let XS wander. Elam himself had gotten lost a few times himself so he is extra careful! He was super.

Calista’s friend is a big sister to 2 boys and she was amazing. She kept helping XS, offering popcorn when his spilled and played with him like the Amazing Girl she was dressed as that day.

Sometimes the power comes when I am crabby and doing my 100th load of laundry for the day and find a random pair of pants. And Brian is gone so I cannot ask him.

Now these are clearly not my pants, nor the children (although I could fit them all inside for shelter) and Brian is not quite this wide. I was baffled. Laughter came out of me like a river and it changed my mood that day.

(Eventually it turned out that Brian had borrowed these for a workout. Not so funny. I’m glad he wasn’t here to clear the mystery…)

Other times it comes when Elam decides to lead us in Chinese lessons.

Or when XS helps in the kitchen.

Or simply when Elam puts shorts on plus a winter coat.

This is how we roll in MN, biking in 42 degree weather!

Other times it comes when I realize I have a whole meal in the freezer… So I can bake brownies, tie a superman costume cape, teach Calista piano, blog and receive a phone call from my alma mater requested a donation. And all without losing my temper.

It has been a theme with me for about 6 months. Brian has told me forever me I can run faster and after a girlfriend at the Y told me the same, I tried. Lo and behold they were right. I’ve shaved another 30 seconds off my mile. Or in weightlifting class when a girlfriend tells me to go up 5 lbs. Or when Anna has us do 16 reps and I was dying at 8 during our workout. Or wondering if we could handle a third, from a different country, with special needs, who is only 16 months younger than Elam… Or if we could afford adoption…

We ARE able to do more. We have 3 kids and I stay at home.

For me sometimes it doesn’t seem like much to stay home, it feels like the easier way.

But other days I feel like Wonder Woman just keeping it all together.

Now, to go repaint the bathroom.

Just kidding. Even resurrection power couldn’t get me there just now…

Or could it?!?

My “costume” I wore for the festival. I actually hate Halloween and maybe will blog about that another time… But a girl can have some fun w her kids:)